24.06.2022 Ben Ezra

Ben Ezra
24. June 2022
51cm
3500g

 At 10am on Friday 24th of June Ben Ezra was born and has completed our SMC Family. 

Contractions started the Thursday morning at 1am but were far enough apart and more like bad period cramps. I had a midwife appointment at 8am and while there my water broke, so I was going to hospital via ambulance straight from the midwifes. I arrived there at 9am. There isn't much to say about the day. Contractions were 10 minutes apart and nothing was moving. I was told I would get anibiotics by 7pm and if nothing happened until 7am on Friday they would start to induce me. Contraction intensity picked up by 10pm and I was given a suppository to help with pain and relax pelvis. By midnight insensity got worse and at 1am I went over to the midwife and was allowed to stay in the delivery room. Contractions were painful but kind of manageable but still 7 minutes apart.At 2:30 the midwife checked an I was 4cm dilated. I was getting very tired and exhausted pushing through the contrations and having been up for 24+ hours. I spoke to the amazing midwife who supported me through the contractions and was given an epidural at 4am, so that hopefully I can sleep a little and let my body do the last bits it needed to get to 10cm. I did fall asleep very quickly, and slept for 2 hrs. By 7am I was at 9cm but contractions were still 7-10 mintues apart. At 8:30/8:45 I was given something to help increase contractions and boy let me tell you they came quick and painful with 2-3 minutes apart.Problem was Ben wasn't moving at all. Midwife checked an noticed he is not down in the borthing channel. The doctor came and checked and noticed the same. They did an ultrasound (30 seconds) and his head was not in the righ position (head moved backwards, not chin on chest) and there was no way he could move out naturally.

Then things went quickly. I was given something to stop contractions, explained c-section process, prepared for c-section and then we were off to the operating theater.I was exhausted and could not stop shacking due to the adrenalin. It all went very quick but I felt very much supported by the whole team and at 10am Ben was born. He was given to me immediatly and stayed with me for 30-40 minutes bevore I feld very drowsy and tired and my head felt very heavy. It took another 10 minutes or so before I was done and wheeled back to the delivery room. Ben came back to me and we started nursing straight away.

He is now 3,5 weeks old and a little superstar. He is very chilled not sure if that is because I am chiilled or´if I am chilled because he is chilled. His big brothers totally adore him and we are so happy he is finally here.

What they don't tell you

before you become a SMC is, that there will be days when you wish there was someone there who could give you a break, so you can keep your sanity.

Right now life with the boys is tough, at least when it comes to going to sleep. I don't mind that I need to be around them all the time when they are awake. Sure I don't get much done but I figured that out a long time ago and am OK with that. Plus they are too cute and growing way too quick. 

Going to sleep though is a different can of fish. Both of them have been fairly good sleepers, don't get me wrong they don't sleep through the night but they used to fall asleep pretty quickly at night (within 10 - 30 minutes) and when they wake up during the night, they get a bottle and are back to sleep in 10 minutes (Jacob) or turn around and latch on and are back to sleep immediately (Niklas). 

Now though going to be bed is feeling like a fight. It can take up to 2 hours (not even counting the amount of times I have to then go back in because one of them woke up again) and it's draining me. I know it's just a phase but when the few hours between 7ish and 9ish (the boys go to bed around 6pm) are the only hours were you can relax for a bit or get things done, it's draining. 

On the bright side, we had the first bits and pieces of snow this morning and it kept drizzling a bit of snow all through the day. Not enough to make a blanket of snow but it's a start.

A day in the life of a SMC of twins

My twin boys Niklas and Jacob are 9 weeks old now and I figured it would be interesting to post about a day in my life as a Single Mom by Choice. In a few month I will post another day, just to see how things are going or have changed.

It's 0:30 and Jacob is waking up and wants a feed. I change his diaper and prepare the bottle, he is not happy  and crying that it takes so long, yet he is still half asleep. While I am feeding Jacob, Niklas wakes up, he usually waits patiently when this happens for his turn but not today. I stop feeding Jacob to change Niklas and grab my nursing pillow to tandem feed them. When Jacob is finished I swaddle him, he is falling asleep within minutes, so I lay down with Niklas to continue to nurse him. We both fall asleep over this.

I wake up at around 3am and figure I might as well put my breast away now that Niklas is sleeping, turns out he was not as deep asleep as I thought and he starts to stir, so I quickly put the boob back in and he is back asleep and so am I. To be honest I feel very contend and peaceful when nursing and love the feeling.

At around 5:15am Jacob stirs and wakes up. I prepare him another bottle and change his diaper, Jacob used to refuse the breast and we are just now getting there that he is latching on but during the night he still gets the bottle, while I increase the milk supply. He is finished and I swaddle him again. I get up and put the diapers in the washing maschine (05:35am). When I get back Niklas stirs, so I change his diaper and then nurse him until he falls asleep at 06:15am. There is no point in going back to sleep, so I get up and make breakfast (fresh eggs, sausage, bread) and enjoy an early morning cuddle with the dogs.

At 7am my mom comes over to look after the boys while I take the dogs for a quick walk. We are back by 7:20am as Lily doesn't walk very far nowdays, I feed the dogs and the quickly go to the garden to harvest some lettuce and red onions for my lunch salad. Afterwards I have a second cup of tea and enjoy a few minutes of solitude while the boys are still asleep. 

07:45am the peace didn't last and Niklas is waking up. I lay down with him and cuddle & nurse him for a few minutes, what a nice way to wake up. Jacob stirs about 10 minutes later and I repeat the process of cuddling & nursing with him. 

 
08:05 am I set up the play mat & let the boys play to wake up. While they play I sort out their cloth. They have outgrown their current bodies and I sorted them out and out the next size up in the wardrobe, I also hang up the diapers and put the baby cloth in the washing maschine. 

 

By 8:50am they have played enough and they get cranky, so I wash & feed them and by 10am we head out for a walk in the pram. I looks as though it might rain, so we just go on a small round (meaning about an hour walk), I meet some people and stop to chat for a while. I enjoy those walks out in the country and work on my to do list in my head. Today I am working out all the things I need to do in order to raise meat rabbits again. The big question is still if I get a doe this fall or wait till spring.

We get home around 11am and after a quick diaper change, I nurse of them, while the potatoes are boiling on the stove. At 12pm Jacob is asleep but Niklas is still awake. I put him in the carrier, transfer the potatoes to the oven and head outside to hang up the washing. I have lunch at 12:30pm (port sausages, salad and crashed rosemary potatoes) and afterwards lay down with Niklas, who falls asleep with me.
I didn't get a chance to actually sleep for more then 10 minutes and Jacob is awake and crying. I nurse him but he wakes up Niklas anyway, so I grab both boys & we go for another walk in the pram. This time we go in the woods and to a nice park in the close by town. It takes me 30 minutes to walk there at a leasurley pace and we walk through the park and watch the ducks at the lake. There is some shade and especially when it's hot like this afternoon, I love going there, plus the boys sleep well in the pram.

We get home shortly before 4pm & after another diaper change both get something to eat. I hear the doorbell and my old neighbor is coming for a visit. Vera used to live in the house next door and I have known her since I was a little girl. She was in hospital and now wanted to meet the boys. Together with my mom we sit in the bedroom chatting for nearly 1.5 hours, in between the boys play on the play mat or nurse.

It's 5:30pm and Jacob and Niklas both fell asleep or so I thought. By 6pm they are both awake again and need their night time feeding(they usually get their evening meal between 6pm-7pm). It takes about an hour for Jacob to finally fall asleep and Niklas eventually followed him at 7:30pm. Bed time usually takes an hour till an hour and a half but now they are out until about midnight and I have some time for myself.

7:30pm, I do the dishes & bottles that have piled up in the sink, I make myself a cup of tea and have a quick dinner (sandwich). I call the dogs in from the garden and they get their evening meal. I walk through the garden to see if anything needs harvesting right now. I have read about calendula last night and since I have some in the garden, I harvested some and set them up to dry.



By 08:15pm I catch up quickly on my e-mail and the blog world. I want to try and be in bed by 9pm tonight and not 10pm like the last few day but there is still some things to do, like putting a parcel together to return the items I had ordered.

It's 9pm now, I just finished writing this post, I will wrap up the parcel & then head to bed.

Being a SMC of twins

Well let me tell you, right now being a SMC of twins is tough. Oh don't get me wrong I love the two of them so much and would not trade them for anything in the world but it's a lot of hard work and most days I am just exhausted. My life consists of feeding babies, changing diapers, washing and sterilizing bottles once a day, getting babies to sleep and start all over again. If I do have 5 minutes, I grab something to eat, or try to check my e-mail on the phone. At the moment it's rare that I actually get to spend time like I do now on the PC.

To be honest the nights are actually easier then the days. At night both Niki and Jake have a 2.5 to 4 hour rhythm in which they sleep before they need feeding. Niki is pretty easy, he latches on while we are both in bed and often the two of us fall asleep that way. Jake is more difficult, he still has not truly figured out how the milk bar works and at night it's more difficult to get him to latch on, so he often gets a bottle instead. We have figured out the position for that too now, with me either half laying/half sitting and him on my chest, or if by some twist of fate they both get hungry at the same time, he will lie next to Niki and I will hold his bottle to feed him and Niki is next to me drinking away at the milk bar.

During the day I sometimes manage to get them to latch on at the same time (thanks to My Breastfriend) or I feed them after each other or my mom helps out and gives one of them the bottle, mostly Jake as Niki refuses the bottle. I do have enough milk at the moment and if Niki is drinking on his own, I often pump at the other side and have Jake's  next meal ready.

After that it's sleep time and that's the biggest problem during the day. Jake just doesn't want to sleep and keeps himself up by all means possible. The only way for him to fall in a deep sleep is by laying on my chest. This means I don't get anything done. He is too small for the baby carrier still and I am still figuring out how to put him in a wrap, so we only do this for short times. Niki is fine going to sleep during the day most of the time, if not he gets an additional boob to nurse to sleep or a cuddle and he is gone to sleepy land.  

I know it will get better eventually and right now despite me being exhausted I love being a mom. I love bonding with them and I am getting tired of hearing that I am spoiling them by letting them sleep on me or in my bed, or by not letting them cry, so they learn. Well they don't need to learn, they need to know Mommy is there for them if they need me.

me & Niki

Niki & Jake

Jake

We are home

few hours old

still knackered from the operation

going home

24 hours old

Niklas Wolfgang

Jacob Alexander

On May 13th Niklas Wolfgang & Jacob Alexander arrived in this world via c-section at 8:49am & 8:50am. I had never planned on a c-section, instead I envisioned a natural birth in the bath tub. Both my doctor and midwife supported a natural birth, even though it was twins but 2 weeks prior to delivery those plans went out of the window. Baby A (now known as Niklas) was facing down as always and growing nicely, Baby B (now known as Jacob) had turned and was now facing heads up, usually not a problem and I could have still attempted a natural birth but Jacob also put on lot's of weight and had a massive head according to the US, one of those would normally lead to a complicated birth, with all three of those factors I was told that the chances were pretty high that Niklas would come out now problem & Jacob would get stuck in the best case scenario and would rip of his umbilical cord in the worst case scenario.

The c-section was unspectacular. I was able to hear and see what was going on & was talking to the delivery & anesthetic team while being cut open. Soon I heard a cry and Niklas was born, and a minute later I hear Jacob. I held Niklas straight afterwards and had tears in my eyes. We went back to our room and I was able to hold the two for the first time. Niklas was already sucking on my breast and Jacob was contend in my arm. I was blissfully happy. 

Niklas and Jacob are both quite content and happy babies. Niklas is quiet, an easy nurser, he get's up approx every 4 hours and then goes back to sleep. Nursing him comes natural, he is a pro at it. He loves his cuddles and is very content. Jacob struggles with nursing or better struggles with latching on properly. He still needs lot's of help from with it but we are getting there. He is more active then his brother, loves to be hold & always wants to be close to his mom. He often tries to stay awake despite it being obvious that he is very tired. Still he too is a very content and easy baby. 

I managed to slowly & painfully waddle around on Friday morning after the c-section but it got better over night & I am up and about since Saturday. I stayed in hospital for a week and went home on Wednesday 20th. 

My days so far are full of feeding & rocking the babies, feeling sleep deprived on some days and not on others. Being a single mom of twins is exhausting, especially the early days. Add to that my two dogs and I am surprised I have not yet gone mental. I am worried that they not get enough milk, that I don't get enough rest, which is needed to recover from the c-section. There are moments when it get's too much and I feel like crying and then I look at the two little miracles and know it's all worth it. I already love the two of them so much, it's incredible. There are days when I feel very lucky despite being tired, I am lucky they are both healthy, I am lucky because most of the time they do sleep about 4 hours a piece, I am lucky because they are easy babies.
The dogs are getting used to the babies and I need to ensure that they too get their time with me, to prevent jealousy. They spend their time between me and my mom's right now, deciding where they want to go or if they want to stay in the garden, which Lily does a lot.

Well before the twins wake up again, I better stop writing and get some rest too.

 

Twins

On May 13th Niklas Wolfgang & Jacob Alexander arrived in this world. Both mom and babies doing well and enjoying getting to know each other

Choice Mom

For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a mom and there was never a doubt in my mind that one day I would be a mom. I just never really found the right guy, who would be the dad and who I could spend the rest of my life with.

From very early on, I figured that I would not mind raising a child alone if I didn't find the right guy and I put my early 30s, down as my own deadline. 

It was in 2007 when I first found out about using sperm donation to become a parent and I have done reasearch on this topic ever since. In later years I also looked into the possibilities of adoption and IVF. The deadline that I gave my self was that when I turned 30 and had no partner, I would go and become a single mom by choice (SMC). 

I started my first round of ttc (trying to conceive) in January 2012. It took 3 different donors and several unsuccessful attempts before I fell pregnant on the first try with my 3^rd donor. 

Insemination happened on September 7^th and ovulation was on September 8^th, so as before the timing was perfect. My period was due on Septemebr 22^nd but I had no real symptoms that shouted out pregnancy to me. I had resigned my self to the fact that it was another negative, even when I tested on the 23^rd I was sure it was a negative, so when within minutes of me peeing on the stick the test turned positive, I was positively shocked. I hugged my dogs and told them that we are pregnant and could not believe it. It took a while to sink in,in fact, a week later I tested again, just to be sure that I was still pregnant. 

My first doctors appointment was on October 17^th and it was nerve wracking to wait that long. 

I had no symptoms that said ‘pregnant’ so I  was scared that there was no heartbeat but I also had no bleeding, so things should have been OK but all I wanted was to hear the doctor say, all is well. And he did tell me all is well with both babies… that’s how I found out that I was not only pregnant but also expecting fraternal twins. Was I shocked, yes, for a nano-second I was shocked, I always joked around that I would like to have twins, but never expected to be blessed with twins, as they don’t run in the family. I was more happy then shocked to be honest but once I got home and settled down, the reality of twins settled in and for an hour or so I panicked about how I would manage twins financially and figured I would just make it work, like I make anything else work when I set my mind to it.

I told my mom that I was pregnant on her birthday (by that time I was just a day or so short of being 10 weeks pregnant) and she is so happy to becoming an ‘Omi’ (German for grandma), I was not able to stop her from telling everyone. 

The pregnancy so far is going well, I have had no issues and the twins development is right on track. In fact they have consistently been a week ahead of schedule, so that we have no changed the due date to end of May, instead of early June. 

Bedroom